I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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