captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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