Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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