Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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