if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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