im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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