I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize