If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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