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# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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