I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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