I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
COCAINE IS GR8
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