You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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