Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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