I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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