Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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