Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize