the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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