it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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