I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize