i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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