My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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