My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize