We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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