lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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