If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize