I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize