I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what day is it and did you see me today?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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