I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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