Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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