I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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