i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
