I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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