3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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