I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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