The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
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