a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this hospital has no fireball
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