im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize