There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize