so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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