He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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