Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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