I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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