Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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