my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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