The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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