What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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