Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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