Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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