Im at strip club and am horny
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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