Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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