that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize