hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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